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Still going strong!

May 3, 2008 – 8:44 am

I’m still going strong on my new lifestyle changes, only I’m having problems eating enough calories a day, it seems 1400 is beginning to be a struggle.   I feel so full all of the time, I guess that’s why?  I eat apples, bananas, oranges, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, etc with lots of whole grains and lean meats.  Oh at 11-14 glasses of water a day!  :)

My legs feel slimmer and it feels more comfortable when I walk that they’re not trying to overlap each other with how fat they are.  I know I still see a super fat girl in the mirror, but what about a year from now, keeping at this I won’t be a super fat girl I’m going to be a much slimmer girl who doesn’t know how to deal with being slimmer.  I’ve always wondered who would be looked back at me in the mirror once I reached a lower weight or lost all my fat that makes me unhealthy.   (the 200 or more pounds)  Am I going to be comfortable with seeing myself as the non-fat girl?  Will I be comfortable with dressing to show off my body or will I keep hiding it?

I’ve never felt anything but fat since I first heard someone call me that when I was young.  (My afterschool babysitter in grade school).  At that age, was being fat my fault?   How can adults call kids such horrible things and make them feel hideous in their own skin?

I dunno but I’m going to change my past.

±gen³

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Ut oh, coming to a wide screen near you

April 28, 2008 – 7:03 pm

Well, I’m gonna make a video log or vlog of my weight loss status and progress. I think putting myself out there for more people will help me to be even more accountable. But it will start with a video of a make-up free, wet hair, pimple face, eyebrow-crazy girl. This will be scary, plus. I’m fat.

Oh well, bite me viewing public, the truth is the truth and that’s just how it is, A video camera picks up on our worst flaws and mine certainly does. I’ll probably put a link from the video to this website. Honestly if people don’t want to see a girl talking honestly and opening about her weight loss and don’t like looking at fat people, then don’t click on the link retard!

All negative comments on videos will either be taken care of by the viewing public or myself. Clue-pon, I know I’m fat, I know I look ugly to your narrow-minded view of beauty. Guess what, I don’t give a fuck that you think. You’re only putting yourself down when you put me down. :)

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Progress so far!

April 26, 2008 – 8:25 am

Well I’m doing GREAT so far - I have a 3rd interview (and final, I hope I get the job!) setup for next week.  I’m losing weight and inches and I’m up to 11-12 glasses of water a day, I normally have the “8″ that people say is a minimum.  I find that I like to drink more than that, who knew?

About my weight.   I was last weighed at my doctor’s office, I was something like 352 or around there when I did.   My husband got our scale (weight watchers) about a week ago and I was weighing 351-350 during the mid-day, and since it was a few days after I started on my new weight loss adventure and healthy lifestyle changes, I’m using 352 as my starting weight.   Well since getting my scale I think I’ve become obsessed, at least I know now how my weight fluctuates during the day, I can really go up by as much as 3-4 lbs during the day!   Just from eating, drinking water, etc.  Ladies, this is NORMAL.

I recommend the old weight yourself in the morning naked after you’ve had your morning bathroom break, after that, mark the number down and get on with your day.  If you want to weight yourself later in the day fine, but remember you’ve drunken fluids, ate food, and have clothes on and if you weigh 4-5 lbs more, that’s just fine, accept that the morning weight is the only one you pay attention to.

In any case, I got on my scale this morning, and it’s 341!!!  I know for a fact that that same home scale said 350 a week ago, I checked that number about 10 times and it’s 341 for sure.   WOW  11 lbs!  This new way of life has me full energized, getting clearer skin and is making me healthier and helping my clothes fit better!

The bad part is, I ate food put on clothes, had some water, went to the bathroom again and got on the scale and I was at 339..    I’ll go with the naked weigh-in but at least tomorrow I know I have something to look forward to.  I’m losing weight fast but I’m not depriving myself and I’m working out.  How is this possible?  I guess I just needed some motivation to get the job done huh?

i’ll keep going for sure because this is a LIFE change, plus I hear exercise is healthy for your body and your skin, it helps it not be so saggy when the weight is gone. :)  (I bet the water helps too)

Here’s a bonus surprise, a bleeding heart I’ve been growing in my garden (Actually 6 of them but yeah, they’re all so beautiful)

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“A Diary”

April 22, 2008 – 1:50 pm

A couple of weeks ago my husband received something in the mail from Axe. “Open to get an edge” it states on it. On the back it describes a movie with innuendo weaved into the wording by way of a junior high boy.

“A Diary

Even with an award-winner under her belt, budding novelist Jill McGowan finds it hard to open up - except to her diary. But when Peter discovers her precious journal on the subway, he finds himself touched in unexpected ways. At first, Peter’s soft demeanor clashes with Jill’s thirst for something more. but when Jill’s friendly roommate takes things in hand, Peter’s pride swells - and takes aim at the Jill within.

While Jill’s self-exploration is gratifying, only through Peter’s intervention does her talent truly bloom. In the game of love, even shy girls can end up on top. Critics rave that, “A diary starts with a kiss and ends with a bang.”

All this “flix” really is is a short 2 minute short about things that drill, screw, go in holes, etc. Just about as juvenile as you can get and as the music increases in speed and intensity, so do the repeating images. all to finish off with the popping of a cork off a bottle of wine. Which you know what image that can invoke. Then you get a 20-minute long virtual fireplace.

Hrmm, so before you think this is some gushy movie to watch with your sweetie, think again and chuck it. It’s just a scheme to get unilever to mail you even more junk by responding via a text message to a certain number! All for a years worth of axe?

We get enough junk mail as it is, I was intrigued by this DVD so I was curious and had to check it out, well my curiousity was unfounded. Jr. High has struck the marketing department for Axe, that’s all I know. For one thing, my husband doesn’t need to coax me in bed with a movie, sometimes we just junk into bed for fun in the middle of the day, we’re like that. Another thing, his skin is fairly sensitive to chemicals, dyes, fragrances, etc, which your products have in abundance, and I’d never buy him anything but the soaps and shampoos that don’t irritate him.

And the last thing? We’re both grown ups and bought a house with a real fireplace. We have fun but without stooping to jokes from 7th grade.

Thanks for filling the landfill even more axe.

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First week is almost done

April 22, 2008 – 7:38 am

And I’m still going strong.  I’m supposed to take a break today from my workout but I think I want to make sunday my day off.  So I think I’ll go ahead and workout today, take new pictures (gag) tomorrow in the first clothes I started working out in and just keep trucking.

I’ve always wondered.  When someone is losing weight, how exactly does it leave their body..   is it just through..   #2?  :)  I’ve always wondered if you could really tell if your..   #2 could actually have some sign that it was fat lost.  Weird questions I know but when I think of doing that I think of all this bad stuff like fat and such leaving my body forever, and I like the symbolism of flushing it away and saying goodbye to what was a part of me.

I had that second interview yesterday, although I’m sure I showed my technical ability, I seemed to have bombed on a few questions that I felt were a bit obscure and not really needed for the type of job that it is.  But honestly, I went above and beyond on the questions I nailed, which of course was most of the questions the interviewer asked.  I’m just expecting to get a “Sorry, but no thanks” letter in my email at any time so I’m definitely not expecting another interview, although I know I’m right for the job and could do it.   It’s just that the questions aren’t ones that a real professional in the field would care about knowing.

Oh well, that’s life.

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3 workouts down

April 18, 2008 – 2:31 pm

Thousands to go?

I already feel slimmer but yeah, I have a ton of progress to go.

I’m enjoying it, I cut out the caffeine, most sugar, record every single piece of food I eat and things are looking good.  I stay full yet I only have 1200 -1500 calories a day, how in the world is that?  Also, my fat content from calories is super low and I eat things that taste good.  It’s a good thing I really like veggies and fruit in their natural form.

I will make it to week 104 and beyond.  I will be a new woman.  But for now, 1 workout, 1 day at a time.  Recording my food intake honestly and facing the consequences of going off track.  I am looking forward to the first 10 lbs off.  That will be a nice accomplishment. :)

Oh, I have another phone interview.   MONDAY!  woot. 2nd interview, it looks good, let’s just hope my brain stays smart. :)

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My First Barry’s Bootcamp workout

April 16, 2008 – 3:22 pm

WOW!   I feel the burn all over my body, and I didn’t think muscles still existed under all that flab, but they do and they are hurting!

Sure, I did the beginner level but wow, c’mon at my weight I worked fucking HARD.  I even made it through the Booty camp workout, I’m very proud of myself.  Tomorrow it will be upper body and today was lower body.  I need motivation to stick with this and a husband who will stop bringing in junk food into the house.

I want to be one of those amazing weight loss stories.  I want to be the person Barry points at and says, “Americans at home, she lost 200 lbs!  200 lbs!  She was sitting where you are today and made the choice to get her life back.”  Well, my goal right now is to make it through each workout, 1 minute at a time.  I can do that, I so can do that.

It might take me a bit long to get up and get down on the floor but my doctor gave me the go-ahead to go beginner and see what it does for me.  She checked out the workout on his website and says if I need to pause, do it but I only needed to pause to figure out what the beginner person was doing since I couldn’t see until after the minute started.

I’m so proud of myself!   Upper body, you’re next!

I’m going to start chronicling my weight loss week by week by pictures, but I will not share them until the end of the month to save my sanity.  I’m not going to look at them until I put them in a slide-show to share when each 30-31 (even 28-29) time period has passed.  I don’t want to fret about the week to week.

Also, I will post my inches lost, and those will ONLY be measured monthly.  I’m not going to stress, if I look better, people will SEE IT.

Oh and BTW, PALM SPRINGS IN AUGUST!  I KNOW I will be sooo much healthier.  Health, that is WHAT I am going for.

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Barry’s Bootcamp

April 16, 2008 – 8:40 am

I’m starting barry’s bootcamp today. I watched the videos last night when I got them in to get an idea of what I’m getting myself into. His workouts look amazing, they use resistance bands (and optional ones on your ankles that feel great) and a kind of bench press exercise ball. It looks like a really huge pill.

http://www.barrysbootcamp.com/

The videos have three levels of workouts to them, one person doing something for “beginners” which is what I’ll be doing, if I can even do that, a normal level and an advanced level where the person makes it a little bit harder (in some of the videos that person looked like they were doing a ton of extra work but it looked so worth it).

I know I’ll be sore but oh well I need to get myself in shape, I’m really fat right now. How fat? Let’s talk about 350 give or take 5 lbs. I can do workout’s like this I just have t, as barry says, “Commit to my body 1 minute at a time.” I like this, 1 minute at a time, I can do that. He also helps you with meal choices even if those choices have to be fast food, barry helps you take your busy lifestyle and make it work. I won’t be doing the fast food thing but I will be looking deep into my cupboards and saying, I have all this healthy food right here, I need to figure out when to eat it and just to do it. And make my husband do it too, his soda having days need to be over because all those diet deathtraps do is lure me into drinking them more and more. Diet drinks truly are the devil.

Here’s the difference I see between diet drinks and regular sodas. One makes you get caffeine in your body and makes you feel full but has sugar. the other makes you drink more and more still has caffeine, a dieuretic, and doesn’t make you feel full at all. Guess which one makes you eat tons of food? You got it, the diet soda. You’re not actually doing anything good for your body by going diet! Just go to water, it’s healthy, helps cleanse your system, and makes you feel great. Stick to fruits and veggies for snacks, there’s tons out there that taste great and they’re cheap!

So wish me luck, I’m going to be sore and confused about meal choices but I’ll get through it. Barry actually has a forum that he talks to his clients/customers on and I find that rare. He actually talks directly to us and gives us the individual attention that we need and we can even ask the bolder questions since the nervousness about being face to face isn’t there.

I’ll probably post after my first workout, heh. Should be interesting.

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Gardening in the Shade

March 25, 2008 – 6:14 pm

Yes, I live in Lubbock, TX, and yes it’s the desert, but, I have shade!  In the entry to our house there’s an area which gets only a slight amount of direct sunlight during the day and then on it’s shade, it’s not dark, obviously but the house and eaves kinda shield it from direct light.  In this area I dreamed of a mass of lily of the valley with their fragrant scents and cute little bells cheering me up and making me feel alive.  What happened though was disappointing.  Last year, we planted some, about 25.  They grew great, had their little show of bells and were getting on strong and healthy.  Then the caterpillars came.  And I think you know what happens from there.  No matter how many I attempted to dispose of, there were always more, making me cry.  And not to mention the constant weeding.

Weeding wouldn’t have been such a big deal if it was just weeding, but the bugs really destroyed my beautiful flowers.  This year, I’m planting more lily of the valley but I also have put in a raised bed, am pairing with with some bleeding hearts, cyclamen, viola’s and such.  No weeds for sure, and I’ve got a natural combatant against the caterpillars.  I WILL have my pretty shade garden this time.   Speaking of, I need to get to planting those little guys, they just came in yesterday!   I’ve also got a nice set of indoor pips for a pretty container indoors.  I will DEFINITELY have some lily of the valley no matter what!

In other news, Michael started school back after his spring break and mine starts back up on Thursday.  Also, I put in a resume for a job with a company where I can do tech support from home.  AWESOME!  Yay, they already contacted me about it and want to interview me.  It pays mores than my previous NTS job, which I’m glad I’m not at anymore, talk about the most morally bankrupt people in existence.   Those retards actually fired me for a Kidney Infection.  I could barely move and slept for 4 days straight and just barely stayed out of the hospital and all they cared about is getting people to show up, and I had a stellar review a month prior.  FUCK YOU BASTARDS.  The worst company ever.  STEER CLEAR!  Besides, my manager’s manager was racist against white people and overlooked his black brother’s and sister’s not doing their jobs.  And there’s some up there he wouldn’t fire even though they left when they wanted to, wouldn’t do shit for working and just basically flipped off the customers via the phone.

So if you think about doing business with NTS, DON’T!  STAY FAR FAR AWAY!

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Starting planters from seed

March 24, 2008 – 7:19 am

Starting planters from seed isn’t always easy, you could grow them in individual grow cells like I tried to last year, try is the key word, I then suffered a cat attack to my precious seedlings, destroying all the plants, messing up my floor and setting back to where I had no plants, I mean, how depressing is that?  Or you could just sow them outside in your desired pot, but be ready to fight the monster that is known as the sun to keep your little plants alive and well.  You really can’t let them dry out as they really need all the water they can get.

So how am I doing it this year?

Outside of course, my cat seems to be addicted to plant-o-cide and I’m addicted to trying to nurse them into growing from those pots and imagine cheery displays of flowers.  Hopefully I’ll win again as I’ve had some pretty good luck seeding into pots.   March is so drab, I really wish I had pictures to show off of baskets overflowing with flowers but right now all I have are baskets with dirt.   Well, I do have a little area that has some cheery flowers, but it’s just from my creeping mertyle.  Which actually brightens my day quite frequently. :)

I need things to be GROWING, oh how I wish I knew about the whole tulip, spring flowering bulb planting time earlier.  Then I’d have lots of flowers to admire and stare at.

Yes, I often suffer from winter depression, that’s how life goes for me.

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